One Moon Before the Day of Infamy
Good evening, my loyal subjects.
I trust you’ve been waiting with bated breath for the latest installment of the extravagant life of your Lord Morgan.
Many have asked me: “Lord Morgan, you are everything you’d like to be. There is nothing more for you to accomplish. You have done the impossible, and your handsomeness and wisdom know no bounds. Why start a blog?”
While part of this is absolutely true—my handsomeness and wisdom truly are unparalleled—the claim that there’s nothing left for me to accomplish is misguided. Let me explain, so that even those lesser than me (which, of course, includes everyone) may come to understand.
The Two Avenues of My Great Wealth
I have amassed my fortune through two noble pursuits. As your Lord, I owe it to you to share my secrets.
The first, as many of you know, is through the business of insurance. This ingenious system allows individuals, or “clients,” to pay a small fee every month to someone of superior wealth. In exchange, this person agrees to replace something of great value if it is lost or destroyed.
You can insure your home, your chariot, your medicinal herbs from the local wizard, or even your very life. Yes, even your life. If you’ve been paying your fees and you meet an untimely demise, your next of kin will be compensated handsomely by the person of superior wealth. It’s a brilliant concept.
And, of course, insurance also covers the cost of an unfortunate event—such as when Isabella the Dreadful collides with your chariot on some fateful evening as you make your way to the colosseum. Should that tragedy occur, your chariot would be replaced, ensuring you can travel again without delay. Isn’t it comforting to know that I, Lord Morgan, oversee these matters so you can rest easy?
As for my role, I negotiate on behalf of my clients with these wealthy individuals. When the deal is struck, I receive a modest fee called “commission.” This is a small portion of the payments made by the client, and it is how I have brought security and prosperity to the Kingdom. Many of you reading this have trusted me to protect your homes, your chariots, and the financial future of your children. No need to applaud. A King takes care of his people without expecting thanks—though I do expect unwavering loyalty.
Of course, I’ve never taken so much as a coin directly from my clients. Well, aside from the taxes you pay every week, which fund the success of the Kingdom. And when the Kingdom thrives, everyone is happy.
My second avenue of wealth is the shop I own and operate in the Kingdom. You know it well. It is where you purchase your food, your drink, and all the necessities of life. It is the Kingdom’s favorite establishment because, naturally, I run it so well. Some of you even work for me and constantly sing my praises as both a business owner and a King. Your loyalty delights me. Through this shop, I create jobs, bring wealth into the Kingdom, and ensure the prosperity of all who serve me.
Why Start a Blog?
You ask why I’ve started a blog. It is simple: I believe my teachings, my wisdom, and my life experiences are treasures the world must not go without. By documenting my thoughts and opinions, I am immortalizing myself for future generations.
One day, when I am gone, fearless children of the future will build statues in my likeness and study my teachings. My blog will become a sacred text, and my name will echo throughout eternity. For when a god walks among you, it is your duty to listen, absorb, and learn.
My blog also serves another purpose: to provide my loyal followers with updates on my plans for the Kingdom. My goals, like me, are extraordinary and vast. While I will reveal them as I deem fit, rest assured, I have many plans in the works. These plans will bring great honor, prosperity, and wealth to the Kingdom. And, as is proper, these blessings will be shared among all—starting with me, of course. When the time is right, I will share these plans first with you, my loyal followers, and then with the rest of the world.
In Other News
Regarding Isabella the Dreadful’s commandeering of Grandfather Hoarder’s chariot last evening: to my utter shock, she returned it intact. Intact! Not a scratch on it. This was so unexpected that I questioned whether the chariot had been driven at all. Nevertheless, she returned the keys to Father Leisurely Banqueteer, and the chariot was inspected. While the exterior showed no signs of damage, I have yet to test its mechanical integrity. Rest assured, when I take the reins, I will uncover any hidden issues.
It remains a mystery how Isabella, the worst driver in the family, managed this feat. Perhaps it was divine intervention. Or perhaps, as I suspect, she has learned from our father—himself a poor driver—and managed one fluke of competence. Regardless, I remain the best driver in the family by far. Never has a chariot under my command received so much as a scratch. Even the enforcers of the road turn a blind eye when they see it is Lord Morgan behind the reins. But I digress.
A Final Word
That is all for this evening, Morganites. While it is needless to tell you to prepare for my future teachings—you could never fathom the depth of wisdom I will bestow—I encourage you to try.
There is more to come, as always, for my thoughts are endless, and my generosity knows no bounds. Remember: never stop speaking, learning, or sharing your voice. It is one of the many ways I have achieved greatness.
Until tomorrow, rest easy, my loyal subjects. The Eldest Son watches over you.
With infinite wisdom and unmatched handsomeness,
Lord Morgan